A Little Bit of Me by Angela Gascoigne

Author:Angela Gascoigne
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: short-stories, flash-fiction, poems, humour, dark, mystery, heart-warming, e-book, kindle
ISBN: 9781785381492
Publisher: Andrews UK Limited 2015
Published: 2015-03-09T00:00:00+00:00

Being Me

“You haven’t touched your food,” he said as he snatched at the paper napkin he’d stuffed down the front of his shirt. He wiped at the dribble of gravy which threatened to ruin his starchy, white collar.

Mechanically, I shifted the peas around my plate, using the prongs of my fork. “No,” I said, my stomach churning, “I’m not hungry.” All the while I wished it could be tomorrow morning; then it would all be over and done with, his conclusion reached.

He continued eating until his plate was clear, the kitchen in silence except for the sound of metal on china and his chewing. I bit my lip to prevent me from jumping up and screaming at him.

Why do we always have to eat in silence? Why can’t we do things my way for once and leave the radio on? I asked myself.

Pushing my plate away I said, “I’ve been thinking. I’d like to do a college course: computers, maths, English; there’s so much choice. What do you think?” My mouth was dry, so I took a sip of water before continuing and all the while I knew his eyes were boring into me. “It’s even possible to pay for most of these courses by instalments these days. Who knows what I could achieve if I put my mind to it,” I added hopefully as I glanced towards the photograph of Lucy and Peter which had pride of place on the kitchen dresser.

Our twenty five year old twins had made me so proud. They were now making their own way in the world: Lucy in Canada working as an art teacher and Peter in Australia working as an engineer. I missed them both desperately and our house was no longer a home without them. I had a huge void in my life which I needed to fill.

“What’s the point of all that nonsense at your age?” my husband grunted, a glint of amusement in his eyes.

He was my mother all over again. What was it she’d said? “What’s the point of wasting your time studying for exams? Qualifications won’t be any use to you when you’re at home raising children and taking care of a husband.”

Well, that’s what I had done. I’d raised my son and my daughter and I’d done a fantastic job, I thought. Now it was my turn to go out into the world and do something for me.

“Anyway,” he spluttered between smoke rings, bringing me back to reality. “We don’t have money to throw away on college courses so you can prove to yourself and everyone else how clever you can be. And instalments, well that’s going to be another bill,” he added as I watched him fill his tumbler for the second time.

So your whiskey and cigarettes don’t amount to a bill? I thought bitterly as I imagined his balding head impaled on a spit and crackling over an open fire.

“You should go for it, Mum,” Lucy encouraged when I confided in her down the phone.

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